The “New” Normal

The third day of chemo and radiation has passed. This is going to be my routine for a while.  This isn’t going to last forever.  It is going to be my ‘new normal’ for a while. My day begins around 7:30. I head to the kitchen to take an iron tablet with a huge cup of water and a stool softener (being honest). I take care morning toiletries and get dressed. 

By 8:30 I’m having breakfast, green tea, two boiled eggs and a bit of oatmeal with blueberries, grapes and yogurt. Breakfast is prepared the night before. This morning I felt queasy and it takes some effort to complete the meal.

There’s an hour for morning chores.  We leave home at 10AM for the cancer center, arriving at 10:15 for check in. By 10:25 I’m getting weighed, blood pressure and temperature taken.  The port is flushed and prepared for chemo.  I make my way to the open, airy room and choose a recliner. I’m still queasy so I get medication for the queasiness before the chemo begins.  Finally, the drip begins and takes about an hour.

At the hours end, the line is removed, don’t feel anything.  I’m sprung, it’s about 12:30.  The radiation facility closes from 12:00 -1PM.  I go for a short walk around the track.  The day is beautifully warm, and it feels good being outside.  The geese are all around the pond sunning and grooming themselves.

I feel hungry, but feel to tired to eat anything.  I’m packing a lunch.  Today I have grapes, yaourt and a peanut butter, Nutella and candied ginger on a croissant. I don’t eat anything and that was a mistake.

1PM, I’m checked in for radiation.  I lay on a long table, with my feet tied to keep me from moving and my hands are above my head holding a handle.  The table is covered with a sheet that stops just below my shoulder blades.  The small section of glass is very cold.  The technicians move me into place, guided by the marks that were made earlier.  The entire process tables about 15 min.  I’m finished by 1:30.

Allen and I visit a friend in Green Acres.  It’s a sunny day, so we go outside for the visit.  Stopping by the library, we head home.  Finally, I eat, not much, but enough.  About 4:30 friends visit bringing a gift of exotic teas from Miami.

I know what to expect during the morning, it’s exciting to have the unexpected in the evenings.

Walking In Terry’s Shoes

I’ve always thought it morbid to wear something owned by someone that died.  When my friend Terry knew she wasn’t going to recover from pancreatic cancer, she began giving me many of the beautiful things she loved.  I accepted because it made her so happy and I wanted to do anything I could to add to her joy.

Terry loved shoes and we wear the same size.  I have many of those shoes and on my second day of healing sessions I wore a pair of teal ankle boots.  They fit perfectly and are so comfortable.  I’ve worn them all day, 10AM till 8PM and they still feel good.  Terry never had a chance to wear the boots.

Today, I literally walked in Terry’s shoes. Wearing the shoes brought to mind all the time I spent eating and talking at her home.  I could show up any time, the door was always open.  I knew she would listen and anything I said never left the room. I never left without her sending something home with me, cake, cookies, fudge, earrings, soap, preserves, whatever she thought would bring me joy.

Terry taught me so much.  She gave me more than I ever gave her.  Terry taught me how to live and she taught me how to let go.  She faced her choices with courage, humor and love.

I’ll wear these shoes often, and each time I wear them, I will honor Terry and all she taught me.

Spell Love “TIME”

 Healing sessions began today.  It was a long day, getting to the cancer center at 10AM, leaving at 3:45 and going next door for radiation and leaving there at 4:15 and getting home at 5, we stopped to pick up groceries.

During all that time, I was never alone.  My husband drove me and stayed with me all day.  My sister, visiting from Atlanta, stayed longer to be with me.  She arrived at noon and stayed until chemo was over.  I discouraged their staying.  I didn’t think it would make a difference.  I can find many ways to spend the time and I came prepared.

The kindle, magazine, book and cell phone never left my bag.  I didn’t need to be distracted.  I sat in a very comfortable recliner, covered with a warm blanked receiving the healing cocktail.  My husband and sister were visiting with me, not attending to someone sick

.

We talked with family, (reassuring my oldest sister), arranging a similar date with my niece, a retired Army Sargent Major. There was laughter, snacking and remembering the highlights of the Thanksgiving Feast.

I didn’t think they needed to stay.  I’d urged them many times to attend to something else.  They stayed and I am thankful they did.  Their presence was comforting, reassuring, I wasn’t alone, the butterflies flew away and I felt loved.  The word “love” was never said, it didn’t have to be said.  I was felt, their time spelled “LOVE” louder than and words could ever say.